So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
