i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
