you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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