Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
