Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
