life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
