i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
