I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
