Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Farmville is her only friend.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
