Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
