tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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