the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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