just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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