I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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