I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
