You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
