I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
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