remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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