Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
