I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
