keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
