the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
