i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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