i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
