people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
