allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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