Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
