Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
