im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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