Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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