I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
