This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
