I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
