True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
