Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
