i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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