Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
