I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
