Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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