I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
