ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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