hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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