Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
