DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
