I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Randomize
