I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
