Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
