Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
