He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
