you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
