so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
