I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
