so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
